Toronto is in the midst of heat wave. If you haven’t noticed then there’s a good chance you’ve been living in a cave, and most of the GTA is envious of your accommodations. With the beginning of summer and the heat wave, so begins the Canadian obsession with the almighty Humidex. Unfortunately, I have some bad news for you Toronto: People that live in really hot countries don’t complain about the Humidex. Sorry to burst your bubble.
When I was in Cambodia, do you know what locals did on a really hot day? Sold more Fanta. In Australia while the temperatures were capping forty-five degrees celsius – no humidex – do you know what they did? What they normally did, just sweatier. Canada on the other hand has an institutionalized whiny weather attitude.
The past fourteen months is the first full year I have lived in Canada since 2006-2007, and if I have learned anything from my time abroad and my time at home, it’s that Canadians LOVE, absolutely adore, complaining about the weather. And although Canadians will never admit it, the worse the weather is the happier they are. Sometimes, if you’re careful not to spook a Canadian, you can catch them slip from describing the bad weather to bragging about it. Try it, I dare you, you might even catch yourself.
With this in mind it should come as no surprise that the Humidex rating is the favourite weather term in Canadian meteorological history. Allow me to elaborate:
As I’ve already mentioned, Canadians love bad weather. And the only thing worse than hot sticky tropical temperatures is to make that temperature magically jump by as much as ten degrees with just saying one sentence, “Actually, with the humidex it’s…”
This one term has turned hot weather into a game of one upmanship. Humidex is now the ace up your sleeve when you’re talking to your friends in North Carolina, and you might even find yourself saying, “Well it’s actually hotter here with the humidex, plus it’s icky and humid.”
There is no winter equivalent to the all holy Humidex, but if there was it would have to be Heavy Snow – which I just made up. Whereby super dense snow would fall, and although it would only be one foot deep it would actually weigh and feel like you were carrying twice the weight of snow. Imagine the complaining we could do as a country then!
Now I’m sure I’ll get some bitchy comment from somebody about something I’ve said. First and foremost, nobody tied you to a chair and force-fed you this blog – with the exception of a few people and you know who you are. So if you choose to complain about my choice of topic or stance on the issue you’re proving my point about the Canadian passion for complaining. For this I am grateful. Second of all, I too am Canadian and I too love to complain. So I’m not saying I’m better than you, just that we should be a little more self-aware and objective. That and I am more acclimatized to hotter temperatures. Point Nik. Finally, yes it is hot. Don’t go for a run in the middle of the day, drink lots of water, if you are taking care of an elderly person keep them in a cool damp sack and if you feel faint go sit in the shade or have a cold shower – you’ll find it more helpful than you ever did in highschool. I believe that fulfills my public service announcement quota for this blog.
I’m done now, but it’s worth noting that while I’m writing this sweaty masterpiece it’s currently thirty-three degrees celsius, and that isn’t even including the Humidex…