The Chronicles of Nik

Ain’t got no HEAT!

My apartment has no heat and I don’t know why. That’s a lie, I do know why; no one has turned it on. What I don’t understand is why they haven’t turned it on. The only thing I am certain of is that it’s cold. I am also cold. Someone commented that my situation is like camping, unfortunately, this isn’t a weekend excursion, this is my life. What I save in utilities, I lose in lifespan.

In our universe we don’t have control of the thermostat or our survival. It has been decided this power should not be placed in our hands. Instead it is left to the vintage store beneath us, and either they don’t mind the arctic conditions or they’re trying to better preserve the garbage they attach price tags to.

Life on the ice planet Hoth (Star Wars reference) poses some challenges to comfortable living.
Here are five things I hate doing now that I can store raw meat in my bedroom.

1. Putting on deodorant

by Nikolai Paterak

2. Showering

by Nikolai Paterak

3. Taking off my socks

by Nikolai Paterak

4. Getting out of bed

by Nikolai Paterak

5. Being Sick

by Nikolai Paterak

 

posted by Nik in Uncategorized and have Comments (4)

4 Responses to “Ain’t got no HEAT!”

  1. kierston says:

    I wet myself laughing to this. Not really. I’m in a library… but I do live in a basment apartment so I feel your pain.

  2. Myles says:

    Don’t be a pussy. We don’t have our heat on either. Men were born with hair on their chests for a reason. Get some decent slippers, a toque, and a snuggie and you’ll be fine.
    Last year we turned the heat on because we were worried the pipes were going to freeze.
    By the way, aren’t you looking for somewhere to live? We could use the extra body heat.

  3. Aaron says:

    Maybe you could go down and throw some of those 60 dollar bowling pins around until they turn it on?

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