It’s the Zellers review you’ve all been waiting for, the Z Signature Grilled Chezzzze. Let me set the scene for you.

The Zellers dining room was busy, so much so that for the first time we had to wait for a table. The staff seemed as confused as I was over this situation. When I asked how long it would be for a table I could barely contain my smile. I had been tweeting about dining here for a while now, but there was no way that these dozens of pensioners were following me on twitter? None of them looked like _WookieLeaks_, but Twitter handles can be deceiving.

The restaurant was full, almost exclusively with the 75 plus crowd. There were a lot of prescription orthodox shoes, but there was also a lot of expertise. In fact, if you had twenty-four 75-year-old fine diners, that would mean that there was over 1,800 years of fine dining experience. Many those years were probably spent complaining about food that was too hard to chew, or maybe had too much flavour. These were seasoned veterans.

The restaurant was overflowing with canes, walkers, and hearing aids; it was humming with activity. I could sense the thrill in the air while they were busy flexing their senior’s discount. There will come a day when I too will be eligible for this same discount. Sadly, Zellers will be long gone by that time.

After browsing the menu I decided on the flagship sandwich, the Z Signature Grilled Chezzzze. My review follows:

The Good:

There was a lot of cheese. If you’re lactose intolerant this slice of melted dairy heaven is your worst nightmare. The bread was also crispy and toasted brown to perfection, like a super model fresh of the beach. Both are hot.

The Bad:

I got the salad and it left me wanting. If you’re going to feed me what food eats at least make the portion a decent size. A rabbit would still be hungry after wetting its pallet on the salad I was served. Maybe senior citizens are watching their figures and have requested on mass that the salad be novelty sized.

If the salad was bad, the dressing didn’t do it any favors. It was pink and thick, bearing a stunning resemblance to watermelon puree. I felt like I was pouring radioactive ketchup all over lettuce. It was edible.

The Ugly:

This one is more just editorial comment. On the menu the grilled cheese is called the Grilled Chezzzze. This bothers me. Why for the love of Poseidon’s trident would you leave out the ‘E’ in this? I get it, everything on the menu is Z something or has lots of Zs in it. It’s very clever and you should be proud, but do you want people to pronounce you’re signature sandwich like ‘chez lounge’? Because that’s what you’re doing, you’re killing it, the English language and me in process. Alright, that was a bit of a rant, but I needed to get that one off my chest.

The Verdict:

To be honest, it pisses me off that the salad was so bad, because that Grill Chezzzzze was awesome. The salad was a 1, the Chezzzzze was a 5. You can do the math.

That being said, I am starting to notice a trend with the Zellers diner. The featured item on the menu is awesome. Trust me, you’re as surprised to read that as I am to write it. The sides on the other hand ain’t so hot, and I understand that a garden salad is meant to be cold. Here’s hoping the mashed potatoes are better.