Of late I have not written much or often. The few lonely words I have penned have huddled together for warmth around a burning oil drum and have long forgotten any hopes of a chance to pollute the internet. I can cite a long list of excuses, some more genuine than others, but excuses can not excuse.
This essay, update, blog – however it need be branded – has already be started, shelved and abandoned once already. Originally it was conceived as a means to celebrate my escape from darkness and re-entry into the world of the day walkers. This is a bloated way of saying I got a new job working during the day. Yay me.
A year and a half of my life was spent as a creature of the night. I worked, ate, read, wrote and played in the dark. While the sun may set for some, it does not for all. And for a time I was a foot soldier of that unfortunate clan.
During this employment and lifestyle experiment I have known a fatigue I hope never to become so intimately familiar with. This was one of the excuses mentioned earlier.
At the start of my new job I made bold internal promises to renew and redouble my efforts. Much like superman the sun would rejuvenate me. Unlike superman I have no impressive powers beyond movie trivia which, to my knowledge, superman lacks. Again I faltered. Not too tired, but too lazy after a days work to summon the strength to do much more than turn on Netflix. For this I am angry with myself.
I have chosen what is easy over what is important – to me anyways.
People have asked why I haven’t posted and I’ve done what I can to avoid and parry the subject. The excuses I’ve made to myself don’t need to echo in the corridors of my life.
There’s no denying that something has been missing in my life and many a distraction has been summoned to fill it in the last month. TV, video games, movies, most anything that gives of that sweet electric glow that has come to be the campfire of our era. It is this, right now, the sound of pen etching into paper, that has been lost and since found.
I now embark on no great adventures to fuel my words, but like hippies around the world, I too search for alternative and sustainable fuel sources.
I have the power to change my habits. Metaphorically that is, because I, like so many, have no power on this 25th day of December (power has since been restored).
Given the nature of the situation someone asked if I was alright, to which I responded, “Yes, it could be worse…” as I realized I would have a distraction free opportunity to reacquaint myself with the pen and pad. They asked how it could be worse, and I took second to think on that, “Well…nobody could have power.”